Before I talk about France and tell more funny stories about my bike rides this year, I need to address last week. Because last week was bad. There was a new G in town and it stood for GRUMPY. My state of mind was so bad that on Tuesday I quit triathlon. I quit coaching. I quit cycling. I quit swimming. I quit running. I quit the Olympics. I quit America.
My funk started during the Lake Logan race and it took me daaaaaays to shake it. I was emotionally, physically and mentally stuck. Ace taught me years ago about a do-loop in computer programming.
“a do loop is a control flow statement that executes a block of code at least once, and then repeatedly executes the block.......depending on a given boolean condition at the end of the block.”
I got mentally stuck in a do-loop in the middle of the bike. I let the small things get to me. Like the fact that my wetsuit rubbed a hickey on my neck and I could feel it in the wind. And the fact that the tee shirt had a comma in the wrong place and said: Lake Logan Half. Half of what? Half a mile? Where's the 70.3? (I rarely even wear race tee shirts.) I got mad that I was invited to cheat (hey, we've got a nice draft pack! jump on in, the girl in my age-group said in a cheerful tone. I DON'T CHEAT, I yelled at her back as she whizzed past). Then, I felt guilty for yelling at her. My legs hurt. My back hurt.
In transition, I found out that one of my athletes had crashed (bruised and battered body, broken bike frame) and worried about her for many miles. I was frustrated that it was hot. I was afraid I wouldn't finish. I felt fat. I fretted that I was letting others down. I was mad that I was so slow.
Of course, being stuck in my brain on the course means that my results suffered. So after the race, all I focused on was my poor performance and how I didn't live up to my expectations. And then I had a bad week at work. And, we lost our interwebs (hashtagnoolympics) and one of the presidential candidates came to town. All of that cascaded into a bigger mental rut that turned into an emotional cavern into which I threw all my hopes and dreams and swimbikerun gear and my love and enthusiasm for the Olympics and my sense of humor about America.
Thus, all the quitting.
BLAH BLAH BLAH. WAH WAH WAH. WHINE WHINE WHINE.
Instead of SHUT UP LEGS, I need a tee shirt - no wait, I won't wear it (maybe a coffee cup or tattoo) - that says SHUT UP BRAIN. Or maybe it needs to simply say: SHUT UP.
Of course, as my hubby pointed out, I "learn more about myself on bad days than I do in the win". So, bear with me while I hash out what I did to unquit all that I quit last week.
BAD DAY by DANIEL POWTER
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well, you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well, oh, that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh, you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day