Here are the highlights of the weekend: I rode my bike for ten miles at 25mph and I rode my paddleboard 1.5 miles without falling off.
I was worried about my ride on Saturday, I started out with Joe and Beth, but knew I needed extra time on the bike and the last hour of my ride was going to be solo. I had two intervals left and then a cruise back home. I finished one interval and hit the turn around. Another group of cyclists were making the turn and I caught their wheel.
The leader called out: we're doing five minute hard, five minutes off, nothing under 21, everybody gets a turn to pull. I'm going to hang on as long as I can, I called back. I was scared. I didn't know if my legs could do it and I was afraid I drop off. My legs suddenly felt heavy and my heart was pounding. My brain was screaming insecurities at me and I almost backed off. But I didn't. I found the draft and held on for eight miles. It was exhilarating and scary and so much fun. I love doing what I didn't think I could.
On Sunday, I tried something else I didn't think I could - I paddled in Banks Channel without falling off. I love my new, incredibly fast NAISH Javelin racing SUP - I have nicknamed him Jave. But, I am not balanced (in more ways than one) and Jave is very tippy. It's like standing up on a canoe. The funny thing is that falling isn't the thing. I'm not afraid of falling into the water (except when it's cold). I'm afraid of FAILING. I want to be amazing as soon as I start a thing and I am not. I want to not fall in front of people and look foolish. I want to be a pro today and I am not. Not falling on Sunday represented not failing. And, just like I did when I started triathlon seven years ago, or piano when I was seven, or pilates two years ago, I'm going to take that victory and add it to all the other small victories. Until I'm able to do an Ironman again, or learn to play Mozart or learn how to do hanging up on the cadillac: